Dissatisfied
From the moment I entered the workforce, I felt stuck. From the outside, I had it made—a good job, good pay, recognition, and opportunities. But inside, I was deeply dissatisfied. I chased success, thinking it would give my life meaning, but the more I achieved, the emptier I felt.
I thought, If I can save enough money, quit my job, and travel the world, I’ll finally find myself. I poured everything into that plan, but it didn’t go the way I expected. Instead of finding myself, I ended up on a chance missions trip as a non-Christian and found Jesus. That experience gradually turned my life upside down. Over the next 10 years, he showed me fulfillment wasn’t something I could achieve on my own; my identity and purpose could only be found in Him.
For a while, I thought that was the end of my dissatisfaction. But as I continued at work, something was still missing. I had a new faith and a deeper sense of meaning, but I still felt a void. I knew God had a bigger plan for me, but I couldn’t articulate what it was. The harder I tried to define it, the more exhausted and dissatisfied I became.
The major turning point started during a trip to Disneyland. For the first time in years, all my work projects wrapped up perfectly, giving me a rare week to prepare and nothing to worry about while we were away. The last night of our trip, I stood watching as my daughter sang her heart out with the World of Color show and as my son stared in awe from my husband’s shoulders. This is what it’s all about, I thought. I felt free—more present and more myself than I’d been in a long time. That glimpse of freedom made returning to the grind unbearable. The dissatisfaction hit harder than ever when I returned to work.
The final straw came a couple months later. My parents were visiting for my birthday, but I couldn’t enjoy the time with them because I was consumed by anxiety about work. No matter how hard I prayed, or how present I tried to be, I was miserable. My husband and I started to have some serious conversations about putting in my notice and God spoke through him: “You’ve tried to make this work for 20 years, maybe it’s time for something different. I felt God telling me it was time to let go, even though I didn’t know what was next. I wrestled with Him for days. But His whisper was steady: “Trust Me.”
I hesitated. My dad’s words echoed in my head: “Don’t quit a job until you have another one.” But God rebutted, “That might be true for others, but that’s not what I’m asking of you.” Taking that step of faith felt terrifying. I gave my notice 8 days later, not knowing what I was walking toward—only Who I was walking toward.
Leaving didn’t fix everything overnight. I’ve had to face my fears, but as I’ve surrendered and taken my fears to him, He’s shown up in radical ways. His voice continues to remind me that my worth isn’t in what I achieve but in who He created me to be, and that’s getting clearer every day. My dissatisfaction wasn’t a problem to solve—it was a gift that led me deeper into relationship with my loving Creator.
