Busy

Busy. It’s probably the most commonly used adjective in my life. There’s always something - or many somethings - going on. I’m working at the kids' school this year... the boys are in football and have practice four nights a week and games on the weekends... my husband is working out of town for a couple months... along with all the other things of life that need to happen like laundry, housework, grocery shopping and making dinner to keep my small people alive and healthy... sometimes the tears squeeze out because it all feels so overwhelming to carry.

It’s like when you’re out in the cold for a long time and your body has to direct all it’s energy to keeping your vital organs alive, and your extremities get a little cut off from the blood supply - that’s how I’ve felt for the last few months, just trying to hold all the things together, not really able to look outside at anything else, just trying to survive until the end of this busy season.

I long for something different, for space to breathe and time to rest. But for me the reality is that when it slows down, I don’t know what to do with myself. I’ve been moving so fast, for so long that I don’t know how to stop. Is it ok to sit on the couch and read for an hour? Or take a nap? Shouldn’t I be doing something more productive? There’s always something to do, always something clamoring for my attention. I say I don’t love being busy, but I can’t seem to stop. For me, busy quickly becomes my identity, how I measure my worth and progress in the world.

When I stop long enough to let my breath settle, to let my body get nervous from being still, that’s when I hear Jesus’ voice reminding me, “I’ve got you. You’re ok.” What does it look like to be still? To abide? To rest?

Rest seems so elusive. Maybe because I have a specific picture of what rest looks like, and my picture is not always a reality as a mom of three, working and caring for our household. But I know there is rest to be had in Jesus. I’m still working to figure out what that looks like.

Some mornings it looks like sitting on the couch, eyes closed, just being still. I want to read my Bible every morning...but sometimes I’m so tired that the words won’t sink in. In those moments when I’ve heard the Spirit’s voice tell me that just being with him is enough, that I don’t have to do something special, or read enough chapters to check off my “quiet time,” and that sometimes just sitting still and quiet is enough. It’s a place to start trading my heavy burdens for His yoke that is easy and light...

Life isn’t going to slow down on its own. I have to make choices to stop, to say no to things, even good things. And sometimes there’s no choice to say no, there’s just too many things that have to happen. But in the midst of the busyness, in the midst of a chaotic world, I do know that Jesus promises he is with me.

Like he says in Matthew, “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me. Watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”